breaking the bonds

so it feels inevitable now… i seem to be breaking the physical things that are tying me to the past… breaking furniture, breaking bowls and glasses, breaking anything that’ll break to break the ties to my past… i’m not consciously doing it, but it seems like anything that holds a memory from the past is being broken… every time it happens, i just look and think “this has got to be telling me something; it can’t all just be coincidences”… how much can amount to coincidence? how much could be my subconscious talking to me? how significant is all this? thankfully, nothing too expensive or valuable has been broken, but still, replacing what has been physically broken is not as easy as it sounds… i need to get paid and get on top of that situation as soon as i can… grr… but i do get the feeling that there is something symbolic happening… i’ve said this is my new start, new beginning, new life, new me… maybe this is my unconscious way of ensuring that i’m breaking the bonds to my past… it’s probably about time that it happened, but i just wish it wouldn’t happen in such an obvious way… i wish it could just be me realising and deciding that it’s time… the smash and crash of everything sounds so deafening and yet so “normal”… i never want it to be normal, but it’s starting to feel like that… so here are some things for me to reflect on: what is keeping me tied to my past? what do i need to sever from my past? what is my weakness there?

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