to live in a perfect world…

…would be absolutely mind blowing right now… how i wish i could make everything work out and make everything perfect… now that i know i’ve found the right guy, how can i make it work? how can i get it to fit into what my life is right now? i wish life could be simpler sometimes… like when i realise exactly what i want, but when i’ve put myself into a place where i can’t get it… grr… that frustrates me… i found it; i finally found it… and now i can’t have it because i changed my life path to get away from one person… to get away from justice, i had to leave… now i want to come back to be with my (titan,) but i’m in a situation where i can’t… if i do, i risk losing everything else in my life… and i mean everything – except some basic possessions… i’ll lose my livelihood, respect for myself, the ability to look people directly in the eye, my sanity, my life… but i will gain my love… i wonder if i’m patient enough to wait until the right time… i really don’t want to, now that i’ve found him… now that i know it’s real… now that i know i’m a “goner”… i just want to drop everything, lose everything, and be there… whatever it takes… i can do it; i know i can… he doesn’t believe i can, but i know my strength, i know my dedication; i know me… how can i get him to see? how can i get him to believe me? how can i get him to trust me? i guess it just takes time, but i don’t want to wait… i really don’t want to wait… now that i know… i really don’t want to wait… but patience is a virtue, isn’t it? patience is a “fruit of the spirit” (if you believe that)… patience is the key… but i don’t know if i can be patient… i know i can be impatient, but i wonder about the patience… hmm… something to try… and what if i can’t be patient? what if i can’t wait? what then? what can i do to make it work? what can i do to make myself stay relatively sane? how can i live with my love? what dilemmas i create for myself… how i dislike it most times… but, the joy for today – for this week – for this time, i have found my love… woo hoo for me!!!

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