breaking

you’re breaking my heart… slowly, steadily, surely… but you don’t know it… it’s the small things you do every day, the small things you forget to do everyday, the small things that mean so much… yes, it’s you… you’re breaking my heart… my heart gives you so much, but you don’t see it – you question it… i may not be in love with you in the traditional way, but you have worked your way into my heart – the heart that gives to anyone, everyone… no, it’s not him i’m talking about… it’s you…

you intrigue me in a way that i never imagined… a puzzle, a mystery, an enigma that i’ll never know… perhaps i don’t really want to know, perhaps i’m just curious… but the fate of the cat is looming in my future and you know that i can’t resist a good intrigue… life does not have enough intrigue these days – these days where everyone knows (or can know) everything – these days where nothing is a secret… you keep your secrets close to your chest: that intrigues me… not that i particularly want to know everything – that would ruin the intrigue… but a good intrigue is so hard to find these days…

but right now you’re breaking me… speaking, writing, inferring mysterious things that get my mind working overtime – my imagination working overtime… my mind is restless and doesn’t sleep – it wants to know more – it wants to do more – it wants to be more… the intrigue is fascinating but also a cruel duel… a test of patience, a test of sanity (of what???), a test of humanity…

you break my heart in a way that is agonising – a way that is torturous – a way that not many people can… the pain in itself is intriguing: why does it hurt when there is no serious attachment? when it’s only a friendship? it’s odd but maybe you’re trying to steal a piece of me that no one noticed before… maybe it’s supposed to be yours – maybe it’s a part of me that i don’t need anymore… maybe if i stopped trying to keep it, it wouldn’t hurt so much… maybe if i gave it to you, it would be okay…

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2 thoughts on “breaking

  1. Wow… this is like reading something and everything I myself am feeling right now… (all teary over at this end)
    *sigh* Why are feelings so complicated, why is reality so unforgivably complex?

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