I need to write something. I need to write this one – it’s been weird for me… The past couple of days I’ve woken up with a particular song – or rather a refrain – in my head – “I’m coming home, I’m coming home; tell the world I’m coming home.”
It’s weird but it got me thinking about the different ideas of home and where my home might be (or where it is). There is a common saying that “Home is where the heart is”, but which part of your heart? When I think about my heart and where it’s at, well, it’s confusing. I physically live in a house I call home and I put my heart into making it feel more like home every day. It’s becoming more than a place where I sleep, eat, and wash – it’s becoming a “home” again. But if we talk about my love – my heart’s love – then it’s not here, it’s a long, long way away (14,500+ kms!). So my love-heart is there, not here. The distance changes, too, as he moves around his country, but what’s 1000km in the scope of 14,500km? But it’s with him – over there – far from me here in my physical home. We make “our” home in cyber space – through telecommunications technology – but it’s not a physical space, even if it causes physical effects. (Occasionally we can meet – but this is only once or twice a year…at the moment…)
Then there’s my family-heart. My family is dispersed around the country and I don’t often see them. When I do see them, I do feel as though I have “come home”, though. This applies to my brothers’ homes and my parents’ home. And then there’s my friends – my friend-heart. This one is slightly more dispersed – they are all over the world! When I am physically with them, I feel at home and I miss them terribly when I’m not with them. When I’m not physically with them, then I’m with them in cyber space and we can talk as though we are together and then cyber space becomes our kind of “home between homes”.
It gets confusing, doesn’t it?
So then, when I wake up with this song’s refrain going through my mind on a non-stop loop, what does it mean to me? Of course, there is one more “home” that I haven’t mentioned – the spiritual home. I don’t want to go there yet, but I can’t rule it out. If this song is going through my head like this every time I wake, then which “home” am I going/coming to? Is it a deep-seated desire to make a “real” home? Or to bring all of my homes together? (Although I do see this as slightly impossible at this point in time.) Or is it the joining of my physical home here with one of my other homes? Or the moving of my physical home to another location that is also “home” to me?
There’s a lot to ponder there and I think it deserves more than a cursory glance and dismissal. They say that dreams are the subconscious speaking, and if this is true, then when you wake up it should be the lasting impression that the dream has had on you… So while I don’t remember my dreams as much these days (which in itself is unusual), maybe my “take home” message is that I want to make a home? To move home? To be home? It’s an odd place to be in at the moment, but it’s a place that I think I need to explore more and feel more. I really do wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me.
I really do.