Reflecting on the past 12 months…

So, this post is inspired a little by Estrella’s post on her top five moments of 2013 and a little on today being my birthday. It’s a good day to have a birthday, I think. I like the timing and the day of the year. It really suits me and I enjoy it a lot~ It also means that my Christmas and birthday are over pretty quick and I don’t really have to leave the festive mood once the new year begins…instead, I continue the celebration through to my birthday. One big, long celebration!

Anyway, the point of this post – my top five things in my something-something-th year of life. Here goes:

  1. I lived in Egypt for five months – wow and just WOW!!!!
  2. I travelled to Romania, met Estrella, made a lifelong friend, and was amazed by the country. It is a serious “must go now!” country. Really. I swear I’m not biased. Not a little. (Well, maybe just a *little* teeny bit…)
  3. I was able to seriously indulge in my reading addiction.
  4. I spent some amazing times with my other half. He’s amazing. Truly.
  5. I reconnected with my mother on such a deeper level. So good – so supportive – so beautiful.

It was difficult for me to pinpoint these moments, but they were there among many more moments. As I get older, I realise the value of my relationships and the value of experiences such as travel. I really do. Of course, when I was younger I had many amazing experiences but they were often tainted by following the crowd and not being sure of who I was. Every day I learn a little more about myself and I love myself a little more {in a deeply, honourably good way}. I surprise myself, too – both good and bad surprises. But it’s all part of what makes me who I am. And I love that.

Birthday roses

While this may not be the best photo, it is one full of meaning. Fresh roses picked from the garden at early-o’clock this morning especially for me. They smell divine and have been keeping me company all day while I work. ❤

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unconditional

I never realised it was unconditional; not until we were committed and had gone through a lot. I didn’t know myself and understand myself enough until now. Now I know – now I know it is unconditional.

At first, it was something to do, something to see, something to be. Now, it’s my life and it’s growing. It’s all unconditional – completely unconditional. We had a non-traditional beginning and there was a lot of murmuring about us. We followed our hearts, not others’ minds. We found a way, and now it’s our way – together – unconditional. Our journey has been amazing with highs and lows, and we’re about to start the next phase.

I’m ready – I’m unconditional.

Let’s go.

Sometimes It’s Overwhelming.

Sometimes it’s all so overwhelming – the thought of everything I have to do before the deadlines. Sometimes I become debilitated because there is so much to do. What sane person would try to fit all of this into one day, one life? I keep reminding myself that I need balance – but when it comes to it, I am exhausted. Exhausted by everything – exhausted because I can’t stop – not now, not yet, but soon. Soon, I tell myself, soon. Just one more thing, one more email, one more job on my list… Suddenly, the day is gone and I wonder where it went. I make choices not to do something that I really want to do; why? I really want to do these things, so I need to make time. Starting now. Right now. (I hope!)

I would like to stop.

Thanks to Estrella for reminding me and Danielle Laporte for her burning question, I present the following list of things I would like to stop. (Yes, this is a bit of a departure from the standard style of this blog, but I feel that it is a good departure for today. Life is full of arrivals and departures, so here is one.)

I am going to stop:

  • procrastinating;
  • working at every possible opportunity in every day;
  • feeling bad when I don’t finish everything on my list because my list is humanly impossible;
  • buying things I don’t need;
  • cluttering my life (with objects, people, things, etc.);
  • worrying about the future – what will happen will happen;
  • trying to force others to tell me what I want to hear when I want to hear it – I will have more patience;
  • …and breathe…

These are in no particular order, but I think the “stop and breathe” one is probably the most important for me. Stop and breathe. Stop and breathe.

Image

nowhere

is where I want to be

alone on an island

with me for company.

 

Anywhere but here

or there

or anywhere really

is where I want to be.

 

To be nowhere

and yet everywhere

alone

and surrounded

simultaneously.

 

If I can’t be here

or there

or anywhere

I want to be free.

 

Everywhere

and nowhere

the places I want to be.

 

Ubiquitous

and invisible,

my dream.

must stop… must… stop…. arghh!!

must stop looking at jobs overseas… seriously… must stop… must… stop… oh dear… must stop!! bad t!

i think i’m going insane – i can’t settle and i thought i was happy here but am not… despite my realisation last week, i thought i could stay here… but i’m looking at things and thinking that i don’t want to be here… but leaving is hard, too… grr!!! i don’t know what to think or do… if i keep plugging away at it, i will probably convince myself that i’m okay here… but i’m not… and i don’t know what to do about it… i’ve looked at jobs in egypt – okay, but not clear on expectations… perhaps abu dhabi – perhaps asia again… but… oh… must stop… must… stop… looking… starting to pull hair out… in frustration…. grr!!! i think i need help… i don’t know what to do… i want to run away again… but… have… responsibility… oh to not be responsible…!!!

what do i do? what do i do?