I want to make pretty things…

That’s what I want to do. I want to make pretty things. Pretty things like beautiful prose, lovely jewellery, and cute teddy bears to warm people’s hearts. I used to be so creative with my life – making things, designing rooms, painting pictures – but I’ve lost myself in the “corporate” world where there is only pressure to perform, to get to the next level, to do even better than before. I’m lost because I lost time to be creative and if I had the time, I had lost the energy to let my mind be creative. I love my “corporate” work, but I miss being creative. I miss making pretty things – I want to make pretty things again.

This year I have a chance to change my life; I have a chance to make pretty things. If I make pretty things and I work out how I can make it part of my life, I think this year is a win. But I haven’t made progress just yet; I have pretty things to be made – I just have lost my time a little with the rush and urgency of surviving here. I want to reclaim time to make pretty things and stop “wasting” time doing those things that suck my time and energy but don’t produce what I want them to produce.

I guess this is kind of a reorienting idea; I want to do my life differently and change what I do. If I want to leave the “corporate” world, then I need to make this year count and I need to use my time more wisely. I want to reinvigorate my passion for creation and for making pretty things. I want to reclaim what my soul is and what it desires to be. I want to become more of me.

Cluj Botanic Gardens: Pretty things

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dreamscape

…listening to the thunder roll around the ridges… watching the big black mass coming over the hill… flashes of lightening a tantalizing start to the storm… the inner turmoil bubbles to the surface… the future lies awaiting, but is it for her?

…in the dreamscape that is her mind, she wanders freely oblivious to all that surrounds her except one thing: her prince… her mind is curiously never dull – alive with images of possible futures and the occasional insistent stab of reality… the painstaking moment of clarity when the veils drop away from the earth and everything is perfectly clear: this is not her life… thankfully this clarity vanishes after an instant otherwise it might need to be faced…

…bringing joy into her own world, she dreams of another way, another world, another time, another place… another life… one where nothing matters but matters of the heart, mind, and soul… one where the soul can commune with the energies surrounding it in peaceful beauty… one where the stillness of the mind is only briefly interrupted by the rare desire to partake in a frenzy of changing places…

…moving with the flow and living in the moment without the pressures of human life are some of the escapes that she plans as her world constricts around her bringing the inner turmoil bubbling, boiling, to the surface… the ferocity of nature in all her glory strikes a chord with the young one, inviting her to join the fray and release herself to the wild chaos that is the universe… feeling the energy that flows directly from the original source, she begins to sway, to move, to glide, with the rhythm of the earth…

…with a crash of thunder and a burst of lightening, she slams back to reality… not her reality, but one that those around her have built… a reality that she wants to, needs to, escape… a reality that is not of her own choosing, but in some ways of her own making… this reality conflicts with her true self, her true being, and it jars her soul to the core… so penetrating is the feeling of violation that she shudders, she shivers, she shakes… she succumbs…

redefining the landscape

The landscape within. Redefining the landscape within.

It’s time – there’s no doubt about it. While my inner landscape has been undergoing renovations over the past few years, I haven’t considered a complete redefinition. Yet. But I think it’s time. The renovations have been moving along quite well, but it still has the same basic landscape – just some different colours or pictures on the walls or hobbies to keep the mind occupied. So, I think it’s time to consider a complete redefintion.

Redefine = give a new or different definition to

I will redefine the landscape within so that I can become more comfortable with what I am becoming; so that I can fit into my new skin more easily. It’s difficult to fit into something that doesn’t fit anymore – it’s time to redefine so it fits more appropriately. This doesn’t mean that I’ll throw away the renovations and start again – some of the renovations have been quite good. Some could use a colour change, but the general gist of them has been positive and worth pursuing. Maybe part of the redefinition can be an adaptation to include the different renovation areas where they sit naturally – an expansion of sorts – perhaps even an unlimited space to grow and be. Perhaps I will focus on the process of redefinition rather than the end result – this might be the way that will best allow a full exploration of what the redefined landscape might enable.

So where do I start with it all? I’ve got the idea – but where to start, where to start… Maybe it’s better if I don’t define where to start and just let it happen organically. Once I put the idea into the universe, I know that it will begin to take shape in the way that it’s meant to be – the way I need it to be – the way that’s right for me. So, here goes…

redefine

A wee bit of data…

Borrowing this from Estrella – a cool blogger that is a breath of fresh air!

I decided that it’s about time I did something like this… And every day is a new beginning, so even though it’s “just another day”, it’s a day to celebrate!


Screen name tabras
Birth date January 29
Star sign Aquarius
Birthplace Brisbane, Australia
Eye Color Green
Hair Color Blonde – dark blonde or honey blonde depending on the weather.. (scary but true!)
FAVOURITES
Food Hoki + salad + small side of chips…
Cereal sorry… no cereal for me!
Ice cream Mototo’s Chocolate
Drink Absolut Vanilla
Number 11
Color black…
Animal dogs & tigers
Body part on the opposite sex eyes
Perfume For women: Red Jeans by Versace/For men: Cool Water by Davidoff
Holiday the one without work…
Music album There are so many – Twilight OST, Only by the Night (Kings of Leon), Inshalla (Eskimo Joe), Funhouse (P!nk), Hide from the Sun (The Rasmus)…
Movie Again, so many! Twilight, Step Up, The Bourne Series, Fast & Furious Series, 10 Things I Hate About You, Cruel Intentions, etc…
Sport to watch – rugby union; to play – volleyball, gym, scuba diving, running…
THIS’N’THAT
Pepsi or Coke only Vanilla Coke… :P
McDonalds or Burger King McDonald’s if I have to…
Chocolate or Vanilla Chocolate
Hot Chocolate or Coffee Coffee
Kiss or Hug BOTH! Must have BOTH!
Dog or Cat dogs… puppies… puppy breath = heaven!
Summer or Winter why do we have to choose??
Scary movies or funny movies funny – scary ones make my imagination work overtime & I can’t sleep afterwards…
Love or Money definitely love… 🙂
Lights on/off or candle light Candle light – gives the best mood and the best views…
YOUR…
Most prized posession Hmm… My camera? or my car? or my computer? without any of these, I’d feel lost… :)
Bedtime late.. definite night owl here…
Last book you read The Count of Monte Cristo – I’m so in love with him! lol~
Vehicle my feet on good days; black (Zoom Zoom!) Mazda 3 on bad days…
Best physical feature my eyes – and maybe my fingers…
First thought waking up not now… I want more sleep…
Ambition to be happy with what I have at all times, regardless of what’s going on around me…
Longest relationship too long… 5 years?
Piercings 11 maybe… lost count…
Tattoos been puzzling over this one for about 15 years… but I’m getting it next year – watch out world, here I come!
HAVE YOU…
Smiled for no reason always!
Partied ’til the sun came up definitely!
Cheated your partner never… it happened to me once and the feeling is terrible… I could never do that to someone else…
Ever been beaten up no – people are usually scared of me… lol… I’m not that scary!
Ever beaten someone up not yet – no adequate reasons have presented themselves to deserve that kind of resolution…
Broke the law intentionally perhaps… visiting zoos at night is legal, isn’t it?
Ever skinny dipped yes, but perhaps a long time ago…
RANDOMS
How many languages do you speak? not enough! 2 fluently, 1 passably, lots in “tourist” versions… (i.e. where’s the toilet? how much? money? food?)
Do you believe in love at first sight Yes – I’ve seen it and am still reeling from it…
What country do you want to visit Ecquador – the Galapagos Islands to be exact! Then Antartica, then back to Europe…
Health freak More and more so every day…
Do you think your attractive mildly…
Believe in yourself 100%!
Been in love yes…
Do you sing only to myself when no one else can hear…
Want to get married undecided – I used to think so, but as time goes by, I think about it less and less…
Can you handle the truth yes – I may not appreciate it at the time, but later on I’ll thank you… (lying is evil………)
Age you wanna lose your virginity been there, done that…
Last movie seen in theater don’t remember… 😦
Do you swear unfortunately, yes, sometimes…
What star/celebrity do people say you most resemble Drew Barrymore, Cate Blanchett… I know which one I’d rather be!

let it begin!

So, after a reasonable absence from the blogosphere, I plan on coming back with a vengeance… A good one, though… A positive outlook is all that I need and I can do anything. That much, I know. When I get on a positive roll, then it all just flows like a raging river – the thoughts, the ideas, the concepts, the actions, the results – all there, all good, all positive… I’m ready to provide some kick-ass experiences for some very unsuspecting students… Just wait until they actually try to wrap their head around the new look, new feel, new mode of study – all completely interactive, completely engaging, completely immersing, completely authentic, and completely real… it’s going to blow minds and create quite a stir among the ‘traditional’ academics… but so be it – I am here to bring change and bring university learning into the 21st century… at least, that’s how i see my role here and how i want to see it… others see me as ‘that new upstart’, but i see that as such a powerful place to be – i can change it all because no one has any preconceptions about me and my style… bring it on, i say… bring it on!!!